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:)

Betty wasn't sure what to get her husband for his birthday so she went to the General store to see if they could give any help
The salesmas asked about golf clubs.  "No, he doesn't play golf".said Betty
What about a new tennis racquet.  "No, he doesn't play." said Betty
What about fishing ?  "now youre talking" said Betty.  "He loves fishing"
So the salesman points Betty to the fishing section and leaves her to select something.
Betty picks the nicest looking pole in the place and takes it to the salesman.
Great choice" he says. "This pole is our best and it is $70."
Waiting while the fishing pole sale is put through, Betty suddenly needed to fart real bad.
With nowhere to go, she had no choice but let it loose.
The salesman looked up and said "  There you go ma'am.  It all comes up to $80."
Confused , Betty replied, "But you said the fishing pole was only $70."
He said, "It is. Its $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call."

Harrods

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.


Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her ? Good looking as well!
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.

He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident',
She asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

The Amazing Scotsman

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress. A sign read: 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.

There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy, and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the same salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded sign (for the same circus) and the same sign that read: 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'.

He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive… much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket.

Again, the centre ring was illuminated. This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with the Scotsman, after the show.

"You're incredible!" he told the Scotsman. "But I have to know something.... You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?"

''Well laddie," said the Scot, "Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be."

Check In Chick (Mayor of Erlenweg)

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there.
Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins?
Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Four men went golfing. (Mayor of Putridville)

Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay bar."

The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well.
His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio."

Blonde shoppers

A blonde went to the city whitegoods sale and found an absolute bargain.
She was extatic. Just what she needed in her flat. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She was not able to change his mind. No pleading, cajoling, begging worked.
He stood firm. Not to blondes. Not to be outdone, she hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She really wanted this TV, so went for a complete makeover this time; new hair style, new outfit, big sunglasses, even waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he again replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.