Practical Jokers

The wedding date was set and the bucks night was arrangedincluding all the usual pranks,  but Bob had three special mates who were real practical jokers.  They didn't want such a special night to go without some reminder of them.
One was a carpenter, one was an electricial and the third was a dentist.  The three of them put their heads together to decide what they could do to the newly weds on their wedding night.
The carpenter suggested sawing the slats of their bed..  That would be a "surprise".
The electricial thought that they could add a bit of "tingle" to their evening by running some wires to the springs in the mattress and connecting it to a battery hidden under the bed.
The dentist just grinned and commented that he could really make the night memorable.

Everything went as planned.  The bride looked lovely and the husband was handsome and smiling as they left the wedding reception for their honeymoon.
Several days later, the three friends received a message from the newly weds.
DEAR FRIENDS,
THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A TEMPORARY SETBACK. HAVING THE BED SLATS SAWN WAS EASILY FIXED BY MOVING THE MATTRESS TO THE FLOOR.BUT I SWEAR BY GOD ALMIGHTY, I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER PUT NOVACAINE IN THE K-Y JELLY!"

The Black Panties (Mayor of Pooltown)

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied, "Mum! I have someone for you to meet.."

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend away..

Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"

She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

The following night was the same- she stood there wearing the black panties,

and he was in his birthday suit-
but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"

He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences.."

Who is that? (mayor of Jotown)

After returning home from his honeymoon the husband notices a photo of a man on his new wife's bedside table. At first, he really didn't give it much thought; she had never mentioned it so why should he. But after a month or so he begins to stress about it. It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides ask about it.

"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery"

Fred and Mary

Fred and Mary got married but couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks,
'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies,
'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies,
'No.'

Johnny says,
'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies,
'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says,
'No.'

He asks,
'Do you know what I think?'

His mom, is getting a bit tired of this silly game and replies,
'Ok then, now tell me what you think'

He says:
'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.'