Women and ATM's (Mayor of Erlenweg)

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine...
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Get a loan (mayor of Jotown)

A blonde walks into a bank in Toronto and asks for the loan department. She says she's going to Europe on business for three weeks and needs to borrow $10,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the papers and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank manager and his staff all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $100,000 Rolls as collateral against a $10,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Three weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $10,000 and the interest, which comes to $141.66. The bank manager says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you bother to borrow $10,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in Toronto can I park my car for three weeks for only $141.66 and expect it to be there when I return?"

MONEY PROBLEMS

I had just returned from overseas and still had a bunch of foreign currency I needed to exchange for real Aussie $$$$$'s.

So I went to the Currency exchange window at the local bank.

Wow, Looking good, Just a short line.

Only one lady in front of me. .. .an elderly Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen
for dollars and she was a little irritated . .

She asked the teller, "Why it chain ?
Yest u day, I get two hunat dolla for yen.
Today I get a hunat eighty??
Why it chain ?"

The frustrated teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Oh I don't know, Fluctuations".

The Asian lady, Now ever more irritable replies, "Yeah, Fluc you white people, too!"