ITALIAN MEN

Betty is seated comfortably on the bus when two Italian men get on and sit together in the seat directly behind her.
They are talking animatedly and Betty does her best to ignore them. Their voices get louder and more insistant.
Betty is then shocked to hear.... "Emma, She come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I coma one lasta time."
This is too much for Betty to ignore. She turns to them "You foul-mouthed swine, In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down there lady," said the man. "Who talkin abouta sex huh? I'm a justa tellin my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi.'

Italian father (Mayor of Jotown)

An 17-year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she was pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature, distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You try again."

Seven Dwarves (mayor of Dyelli Moetelli)

The seven dwarfs are on holiday, traveling the World. On their journey they stop off in Rome, where Dopey wants to see the Pope. They go to Vatican City and stand outside the Papal home.
The other 6 dwarfs stand back a way whilst Dopey walks up to the Pope's residence and knocks on the door. The Pope answers and Dopey falls to his knees and clutches the Pope's robe.
" Father, please, tell me, for I must know. Are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
"No, my son," replies the Pope, " there are no dwarf nuns in Rome." Happy smiled.
" Father, Father-in that case are there any dwarf nuns in Italy ?"
" No my son," replies the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy." Happy grinned but the other dwarfs smirked.
" Well then!" exclaimed Dopey, " are there any dwarf nuns in Europe at all ?"
" No my son there are no European dwarf nuns." replied the Pope. By this stage Happy has tears running from his eyes and is almost laughing out loud. The other dwarfs seem barely able to control themselves.
" Please Father tell me this! " impolres Dopey, "are there ANY dwarf nuns ANYWHERE in the World?"
" I am truly sorry my son but there is no such thing as a dwarf nun."
Happy rolls around on the floor, holding his sides and chortling at the top of his voice. Even Grumpy is smiling.
" Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!" they sang.

Three Italian nuns

A terrible car accident takes the lives of three Italian nuns die and go all approach the Pearly Gates together.
At the Gates, St. Peter is waiting.
He greet them warmly and says, "Sisters, While you were on Earth you led such exemplary lives that God is granting you an extra six months of life.
That is six months on earth and be anyone you choose."
The first nun makes up her mind quickly , "I want to be Sophia Loren."
*Poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna"

*Poof* she disappears.
The last, more thoughtfully asks, "I would like to have my six months as Sarah Pipalini.."
St. Peter has never heard of this person (and St Peter knows every name). "Who?" he asks.
"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter .
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing.
He hands it back to her and says, "No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

Diets and Dying

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Australians or Americans.

The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Australians or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than British, Australians or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Australians or Americans.

The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British, Australians or Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.