THE BARBER AND THE MEXICAN

Mario the barber hadn't been paying his parking fines.
As punishment, the judge decided he was to do community service for 4 weeks.
And the service he was to do, was to continue in his Barber shop as normal, but not receive payment for the work.
Mario figured this was not so bad. He had a lot of regular customers and this may work in his favour.
On the first day the Florist from the same shopping centre came by for his usual trim. After the cut, when he goes to pay, Mario says ."I'm sorry I cannot accept the money from you. I'm doing community service for 4 weeks."
The florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when Mario arrives to open up there is a thank you card and one dozen roses waiting at his door. His first customer for the day is a who cop comes in for a haircut. Same procedure.. "I'm sorry but I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service."
The cop leaves happy and the following morning Mario finds on the doorstep a thank you card and one dozen donuts. This is going well.
The days continue with happy customers and little gifts arriving. Steak from the butcher, Groceries, Bread etc.
Then, as his 4 weeks gets closer a Mexican cook comes in for a haircut. Again Mario explains the situation. "I'm sorry I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service."
The Mexican cook is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds?...........

A dozen Mexicans waiting for a free haircut!!!!

A CLOSE SHAVE

Harold has been going to the same barber for the past 15 years. He is thinning a bit on top, so to get his moneys worth decides to have a Trim and shave.
Mario, the barber is doing the usual chatter, and mentions he has found a method of giving the best and closest shave possible. Would Harold like to try it?
"Oooh yes" said Harold who always had trouble getting a neat tidy finish.
"Okay then, What you gotta do is slip this here little rubber ball between yo' cheek and yo' teeth. The skin isa tight and I getta lovely smooth shave.
Mario continues to chatter as he gives Harold the closest shave he has ever had.
Harold is so impressed he gives Mario an extra fiver and asks. "That is a really neat trick with the shave, but what if I was to cough and swallow the ball?"
Mario just grinned.. "Thenna you havta bring him back the next day like everyone else.”

Practical Jokers

The wedding date was set and the bucks night was arrangedincluding all the usual pranks,  but Bob had three special mates who were real practical jokers.  They didn't want such a special night to go without some reminder of them.
One was a carpenter, one was an electricial and the third was a dentist.  The three of them put their heads together to decide what they could do to the newly weds on their wedding night.
The carpenter suggested sawing the slats of their bed..  That would be a "surprise".
The electricial thought that they could add a bit of "tingle" to their evening by running some wires to the springs in the mattress and connecting it to a battery hidden under the bed.
The dentist just grinned and commented that he could really make the night memorable.

Everything went as planned.  The bride looked lovely and the husband was handsome and smiling as they left the wedding reception for their honeymoon.
Several days later, the three friends received a message from the newly weds.
DEAR FRIENDS,
THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A TEMPORARY SETBACK. HAVING THE BED SLATS SAWN WAS EASILY FIXED BY MOVING THE MATTRESS TO THE FLOOR.BUT I SWEAR BY GOD ALMIGHTY, I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER PUT NOVACAINE IN THE K-Y JELLY!"

YOUNG ACCOUNTANTS,

An accounting student is making his way to class when he notices one of his fellow student on a bright new bicycle. 
Impressed, he asks, "Hey Greg, Where did you get the bike? You said you were broke last week." Greg replies "Well, It's kinda weird really. A couple of days ago I was walking home through the park and I saw this georgeous blonde riding it towards me. She smiled at me. Hopped off the bike, Ripped off all her clothes, and said 'Take what you want'." 
Garry, the other accounting student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Engineer in hell (Mayor of Bibliovilla)

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer--you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer,"So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake --he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says,"No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

A doctor, a lawyer and an engineer

A doctor, a lawyer and an engineer are regular golfing buddies.
They usually play on Saturday, but this week it is not possible so they change to Sunday and have to fit in with the normal Sunday players.
Things start out okay when they all meet at the specified time at the clubrooms, and the short walk to the first tee.
Then it starts to go downhill fast.
They are waiting at the first tee when they notice the foursome in front of them is made up completely of terrible players.
They miss the ball completely.
They hit into the rough and sand traps repeatedly.
And even at times walk into each other.
After fifteen minutes of waiting to tee off, they have had enough.
The doctor grabs the starter and asks, "Aren't you going to do something about this? These guys are slowing down the whole course!"
The starter replies, "Oh, those are the blind firemen.
They are regulars here, and always play at this time.
Last winter there was a terrible fire in the clubhouse.
These men responded and saved the building but in the process were blinded
by some unknown agent in the smoke.
As a token of appreciation the owner allows them to play for free."

After a pause the doctor said. "That's really horrible. You know, I have a friend who is the best ophthalmologist in the country. I'm sure he could examine these fine men to determine if anything can be done."

The lawyer said, "This sounds like a clear case of negligence on the contractor using hazardous materials. I will take up their cause immediately."

The ever practical engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"