It's late at night.
It's raining hard and not looking like it will stop soon.
The squad car is warm and comfortable.
Two police officers see an elderly woman staggering down the street.
They stop, and can quickly tell that she has had far too much to drink.
Rather than taking her to jail they decide to just give her a lift home.
With some difficulty they load her into the car and one of the officers gets in the back with the her.
They drive through the streets and keep asking the woman where she lives.
Every time she just reached across, stroked the officers arm and said "Your Passionate".
They keep trying but receive the same response. "Your Passionate".
The officers were getting a little upset, they have to get back to work, and realise they may have to take her back to the station to sleep it off after all.
They stopped the car and try to reason with the woman, "Look we have driven around for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live".
She looked them in the eye. I keep trying to tell you: "Your Passin It!"
Showing posts with label House. Show all posts
Showing posts with label House. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Cell phones (mayor of Jotown)
A man is in the locker room of a golf club. When a cell phone rings, he engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk....
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It's $1,000. Can I buy it?"
MAN: "OK, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: How much?"
WOMAN: $60,000.
MAN: "For that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! One more thing. ... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $450,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and buy it but just offer $420,000."
WOMAN: "OK. This is surely my luckiest day. I love you! Honey"
MAN: "Bye, I love you too."
When he just hangs up, another man enters the locker room and asks the first man, "Have you seen my cell phone?"
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It's $1,000. Can I buy it?"
MAN: "OK, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: How much?"
WOMAN: $60,000.
MAN: "For that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! One more thing. ... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $450,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and buy it but just offer $420,000."
WOMAN: "OK. This is surely my luckiest day. I love you! Honey"
MAN: "Bye, I love you too."
When he just hangs up, another man enters the locker room and asks the first man, "Have you seen my cell phone?"
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Curtain Rods
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. :-(
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. :-(
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. :~/
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. :-O
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. :-(
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. :-)))))
Then slowly, the house began to smell. :-(
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned .
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked!!! :-C
People stopped coming over to visit. :-C
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit. {:-(
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. :-(*)
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. >:-(
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place ... $$$$$$
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going . ;-)
He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back .
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day .
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......... :-)
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!! LOL
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. :-(
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. :~/
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. :-O
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. :-(
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. :-)))))
Then slowly, the house began to smell. :-(
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned .
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked!!! :-C
People stopped coming over to visit. :-C
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit. {:-(
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. :-(*)
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. >:-(
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place ... $$$$$$
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going . ;-)
He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back .
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day .
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......... :-)
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!! LOL
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
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