Pirate walked into a bar

Just back from a recent trip, a seasoned pirate staggers into his regular bar.

The bartender takes one look and comments,
"Hey, You haven't been around here lately. Looks like ya been in a few battles."

"Dunno what you mean?" mutters the pirate, "I'm fine."

"Umm, But the wooden leg? Didn't notice that last visit!!."

"Well, Yeah.. We had a bit of a battle. I got hit by a cannon ball. Nothin' serious.. I'm fine."
"Hmm., The hook? What about that hook? That's new. What happened to your hand?"

"Happened in another battle. " said the pirate gruffly.
"We were using a grappling hook to boarded a ship. I got a bit tangled up and some #@* chopped of me hand. I got the hook fitted. I'm fine, really."

"And the eye patch? How did that happen?""

The pirate now looks a bit sheepish. "Errr, we were at sea. A huge flock of birds flew over. Stupid idiot me. I glanced up and one sh#t in my eye."

"Nah..," said the bartender, "Not having that.. you can't lose an eye from some bird sh#t."

"Well... It was my first day with the hook."