FAMILY DOCTOR

A man developed a pain in his arm and decided to go to the doctor.

He arrived early and was checked in by the receptionist who told him to give her a urine sample. "But I'm not here for a check-up", the man replied. "I only have a pain in my arm."

"That's O.K., sir. The doctor has a new diagnostic machine to save time. Just leave a urine sample and I will call you to come in when the test is complete."

The man was skeptical, and became irritated that the doctor thought his machine was so good he didn't need to speak with his patients. "So," he thought, "I'll teach him." He asked to take the cup home and bring it in the next day. The nurse agreed, and the man left.

When he got home, he explained everything to his family and asked for their help. They agreed, and everyone contributed a urine sample to the cup. The next day, before he left, the man became cocky and contributed semen to the cup. "This ought to fix him", thought the man. He then delivered the specimen to the doctor's office.

Early the next day, the receptionist called the man to come in "right away". After waiting only a few minutes, he was called in to see the doctor. The doctor was leaning back in his chair and giving the man the once over. The doctor asked, with a wry smile on his face, "You think you're smart, don't you?" The man appeared surprised. "Well", the doctor said, "the joke's on you. According to my analysis, your daughter's pregnant, your wife has VD, your dog has the mange, and if you don't stop beating off, you're never going to get rid of that tennis elbow!"